Ever since I can remember I’ve been around beauty pageants. That’s me when I as 5 years old. I come from a great line of pageantry, going all the way back to my great, great grandfather who was crowned a record 8 times as the “Confederacy’s Sexiest Negro.” From then on, every single member of my family has, with varying levels of success, competed in at least one beauty pageant. Every family has its traditions, mine’s is having strangers judge your worth by their standards of beauty.

When I graduated high school, my father wanted me to become a lawyer and leave the fast paced pageant life behind. I obliged. I obtained my law degree on a beauty scholarship at Stanford University. I practiced law for a few years, but I soon found myself missing the adrenaline rush of the pageant circuit. I felt I was betraying my ancestors and my destiny. I quit my 9 figure job at a prestigious law firm in Paris, Texas, and enrolled at the best pageant program in the world at DeVry Technical institute. Since then, my entire life has been about the circuit.

I give you this brief bio to illustrate my expertise on the matter. To assure you that you are dealing with a stone-cold pageant expert. With that said, I will now count down the ugliest Miss Universe winners in history.

All proceeds will be donated to charity

9. Zuleyka Rivera

Todd Wawrychuk 626-524-1781

Zuleyka was Miss Universe in 2006. After she won and completed her year-long reign of waving her hand to crowds of dozens, she predictably got into acting in telenovelas. As you can see, her sponsored plastic surgeon left her breasts uneven, and she effectively looks like a transsexual (not that there is anything wrong with that). All of this makes her one of the weakest beauty queens ever.

Read on for the rest.